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Permalink Reply by Scunshine on December 7, 2010 at 9:01pm

Even with my hoop friends I've noticed a difference in our communications after we have a good jam together. There's something about teaching each other that opens up a whole new realm of honesty and non-judgmental critique, it helps with the rest of your interactions. So awesome that you two have that as part of your relationship now! couples hooping videos would be awesome to watch.

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Permalink Reply by dinahmyte on December 7, 2010 at 11:35pm

i love this! i've tried to get my boyfriend to start hooping with me... and he's picked it up a few times. but he is usually on his tables spinning some lovely tunes for me to dance and hoop to. i must admit it works out perfectly. i love it. :]

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Permalink Reply by Sarah "Dwiizie" on December 8, 2010 at 9:58am

http://www.hoopcity.ca/video/adam-and-sarah-hooping-at

This is one of our very first hooping videos (it was the first day either of us had ever videod ourselves hooping so its special in that too hehe)

My boyfriend (also of two years) started hooping at the same time that I did. Something that really stands out about our differences in the way we approach life and the way that we function mentally, is that our hooping styles are TOTALLY different as well. Everyone is different, but we are like polar opposites. This has actually brought us together over hooping. He got chest and shoulder hooping right away, whereas that was and is the hardest thing for me to be fluid with. I get off the body tricks and tricks that involve playing with physics really easily, he gets things with continuous motion like the sliding door and isopops. We have a hard time communicating sometimes because we differ in style so much, but the more we hoop together and help each other with different things, the more we seem to find a middle ground where we are trying hard to speak each other's language.

We are so different in every day life, but so similar at the same time. We are both musicians, and we don't really have trouble finding a hobby in common. We are in two bands together now! The funny things about music, is that he is sooooo into music theory, everything has a box, and a way to be written down. I know how to read music and I've got some of the music theory going on, but I'm mostly by ear and feeling. We used to argue a lot about this, but last night we finally had a communication breakthrough. He always says that playing by ear is subpar to knowing theory and that everyone should know theory. I tell him that I like theory for the ways it can benefit me, but I don't want to get sucked into this "Music goes like this" box. He would say that he speaks one language, and I speak another, and that I am wrong for not learning theory because that is how "the whole world" communicates music. I brought up the fact that there are a lot of people who go solely by ear, and don't EVEN have a foundation in theory like me. I also brought up street performers who just mesh and find out where they are, even if they aren't using a "real scale" or whatever, or tribal music where instruments and voices are entirely tuned to each other, not a traditional Western music scale. So that was how it went, back and forth over this. I never told him his way was wrong, I just said I thought he could benefit from trying my way too, and if we both get a little more of each other's way, we will BOTH be better musicians in the long run. It finally clicked last night when we were retouching the subject, and I said "Well, lets just say that music theory is the English language, and you say that my language is inferior, and that I should learn to speak YOUR language." I also brought up the movie Dances with Wolves and said "John Dunbar didn't prance into the Sioux tribe and demand they speak English, he welcomed them to his home, and he taught them some English, and he learned their language too. It was mutual respect. Who is to say that English is better than the Sioux language? Its just DIFFERENT." He actually thought about it for a while and was very mature in saying "I realize what you mean now when you use that metaphor, and I'm going to really try to work with you in your own musical language rather than just saying its Theory or no music" It meant SO much to both of us to finally reach common ground on this subject. It meant so much to ME to have him finally realize what I had really been saying all along. He has a tendancy to only think in black and white terms, and so he always felt that I was telling him that theory was wrong and that he would be better without it.

I think having to work with each other with the hoop, being willing to help each other out with a move that either of us is struggling with. And since we are so different, you can guarantee that if I'm not too great at something, he will be able to do it on the first try. To work together and improve together is so enriching, and it is therapeutic. I will also be fair and say that hooping has had its times where its been an irritant, but usually its something that is more deeply routed that gets brought out when that happens. A lot of it was resentment on my part. Because we live together, we work the same shifts, we are workout partners, we quit smoking together, we are in bands together, sometimes it feels so consuming. I did bring him to my first hoop jam/class just to have someone I knew there, and I am so glad that he tried it and continues to do it and he loves it as much as I do. At the same time, I felt like hooping was the ONE thing that I would have as my "girly" thing that he would try once with me and then leave. Then we would have more reasons to persue hobbies outside of each other. I could hoop, he could go to the driving range. But it ended up that we hoop together and hit some balls together. We have so many mutual friends. Some of them were friends with each of us independently until we realized that "Hey! Your friend is MY friend too!" We would talk about concerts we had gone to before we met each other, and it turns out we were five people away from each other and never crossed paths. Theater is another passion we share. My highschool actually competed with his, with his school hosting, and we STILL never met, even though I met so many of his classmates. I'm getting a little off topic, its just weird how many times we could've run into each other, and it was like we didn't until we were both ready to.

I love hooping with Adam. I'm really working with him in both hooping AND music to be more expressive, to not turn so much inward. I want him to feel as free as I do when I'm hooping. He never realized he had any camera shyness in him until we started shooting hooping videos. He is realizing so much about himself. He isn't much of a computer person, but he is on HoopCity somewhere. It would be funny if he came to weigh in on this topic later on. I'd be curious to here his perceptions of our hooping journey. Over all, the hoop HAS provided a communication venue. Its been a great tool in just understanding the differences in our communication styles so that we can meet in the middle more often. We have tried tandem hooping a few times, but I don't think we have a big enough hoop right now, but I would love to have that experience. Hes been more open to dancing with me, when he used to write it off and say "I can't dance" Now, all I have to do is say "Its just ME, try! Its fun. If you don't like it, we can stop, but just try. Tap into our movements so that we are flowing together instead of each dancing to the music and happen to be next to/bumping into each other lol. He really is wonderful. Even though I felt like he was "invading MY thing" when he got hooked on hooping, now I am so glad we have this together. I hear so many people with significant others that "don't get it" and I'm like Ohhh I'm so glad I'll never have to hear that from him. The downside is that I don't have a photographer/hoop caddy/onlooker like a lot of girls have with their boyfriends, but it is also an upside because we can carry our hoops together, take pictures and videos of each other and together, and enjoy the whole experience both in our own way with every uniqueity about us, but we can also wallow in the bliss together when the music stops. And Adam, if you ARE reading this, I love you!

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Permalink Reply by Regan Moonchild on December 8, 2010 at 10:19am

wow sarah. what a great story. thank you so much for sharing i truly enjoyed reading your thoughts! happy hooping girl!

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Permalink Reply by kimani l♥vs on December 8, 2010 at 1:19pm

we grow plants together :) hehe. and watch cartoons.... anytime we get into a little spat we smoke a little bowl and lay in the bed and watch cartoons(family guy, squidbillies- BEST CARTOON EVER! lol, south park, powerpuff girls :) i love me some cartoons. they are there to make you laugh and smile :)
i know i couldnt get my bf to start hooping with me, well i shouldnt say that but im pretty sure. buuuuut he does watch and helps a lot with learning new tricks. he gets to see it from the audience view and sees how the hoop is moving and how my body should be moving with it. its really nice. i love him, hehe. he also helps me with making em, although i dont really need it, i love having his help because he always has a new idea about something to make it better. HE IS THE BIGGEST DIYer i know :)....
maybe one day i could make him a hoop and just see if he will try it... maybe give a couple glasses of wine first :)

I cant wait to see videos of you guys hooping.

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Permalink Reply by pru*dance on December 8, 2010 at 1:25pm

Mutual vulnerability fosters intimacy. That's why hoop friends can have the openness that Scunshine talks about; I'm sure the effect would apply to lovers too. Any time you do something as a couple that requires you to open up to the risk of rejection, and you meet with acceptance, you become closer. Enjoy the process. :)

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Permalink Reply by kimani l♥vs on December 8, 2010 at 1:39pm

:) im doing research on this now :)

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey Rae on December 8, 2010 at 1:33pm

Wow, thats so rad Regan! My boyfriend spins staff and poi and he will pick up a hoop and play, but what a fun dynamic to bring to your relationship. I think sharing that physical/mental/spiritual challenge can really bring two people together. Its so fun to teach each other new tricks or video each other :) He's by far my favorite spinning partner :)

Glad you guys found such an awesome way to hoop it out!

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