Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Phoenix Sprite on October 16, 2012 at 11:16pm

Guys naturally come with control issues. It's not just your man, it's like most of them. So if you let your boyfriend pick your outfits well...uh...why? When I was a baby at 18, I let a boyfriend tell me that I couldn't do certain things or belly dance while I was wearing an average skirt. Best thing I've ever done, was not only leave that guy, but I also don't let any man of mine think he has a say over how I act and what I wear. My current love only asks me not to spray paint goverment property. He enjoys when we go out and I feel happy and hoopy in my kinda small hooopable outfit. I wear short skirts when I go out just for hooping in. I wear less clothing when I go out to see music with my brother or boyfriend because I feel safe that with a man around no dude is going to try to pick me up.

 

All guys have some conrol issues, So you got to man up, tell him he's out of line for limiting you of what you "should" wear when you guys are going out together. Love yourself and your relationship with him, so tell him straight up, no you will not wear the outfits you asked him to pick for you, you're going to wear what you want to. If that's a problem than it's his, and if he is bothered by it, let him be. And if you let him stop you from wearing an outfit, well, why? To save your relationship? You said your boyfriend is the problem, but he's not, it's how you let him effect you that is the problem. Not trying to sound like a jerk, I'm just a mean jerk., so I come off as jerk.

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Permalink Reply by Tarra Holmes on October 16, 2012 at 11:31pm

No no that didn't sound mean!! :) I love what you said! Thank you thank you! You're so right, I really just need to man up to my man!

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Permalink Reply by Phoenix Sprite on October 17, 2012 at 8:16am

lol. glad you understood. have fun fellow montana hoop girl.

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Permalink Reply by Oregon on October 17, 2012 at 8:32am

While hooping you will natrually draw attention and in a public place a crowd. Your man is probably going to feel a twinge of jealousy even if you were wearing a floor length sweater.

If I was you I would compromise with him, maybe puting on a hip scarf over the leggings to help hide the rump and maybe going with a cute tank top instead of a belly shirt. Guys fixate on skin, boobs and asses. Lol. Give those a bit more coverage, you will still look great and maybe this will placate him so you can still enjoy yourself.

 

Good luck! <3 <3

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StudentPermalink Reply by Rika on October 17, 2012 at 8:54am

I agree with what Oregon is saying.  It really depends on what is most important to you and where you're willing to compromise.  I would at least start out the conversation by asking your guy exactly *what* he finds unacceptable about the outfit.  Maybe he just doesn't want your midriff bared because that can be extremely sexual to guys?  Personally, my bf doesn't want me not wearing bras around other guys (I can get away with it If I'm in a giiiant shirt, but that's it).  While it may not bother me, I know that he knows what guys are thinking and *that's* what's bothering him.

It really depends on the level of control he's trying to exert, but *everyone* wants some type of control in a relationship, whether it's not putting his socks all over the floor or asking your girl not to have her booty hanging out or something.

So...before anything, open up a line of dialogue.  You may find the issue is a lot easier to fix without sacrificing your cute look or your boyfriend's feelings.

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Permalink Reply by Nikki Osier on October 17, 2012 at 1:24pm

Honestly isn't it easier to hoop in more revealing clothes? I think so at least, and it's not like we do it to be sexy or revealing. It is cute yes but simply it's also easier to hoop. I struggled with it not because of a boyfriend but because I was semiconscious. But at festivals and stuff it's hot out and you just want to hoop. You should explain this to him. I believe you should wear whatever you're comfortable in! Just tell him you look hot and if people look who cares he should be proud of that!

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Permalink Reply by Moonshadow on October 17, 2012 at 1:38pm

It doesn't sound like you are wearing anything too revealing.  In fact, you're probably dressing rather conservative for a rave.  Show your boyfriend that there are plenty of girls who wear g-strings and pasties and you'll look like a nun compared to them.  I've had plenty of friends who's boyfriends told them what they were wearing was inappropriate.  If you disagree with him, tell him so and hopefully you guys will able to make a compromise.  There is only so long that a person can put up with a controlling partner.

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Permalink Reply by Mandilyon on October 17, 2012 at 2:34pm

i dont know how old you are, but you may learn over time that men worth while are confident in their women! no matter what you wear, as long as you arent hanging all over other guys, he should not have a problem with it! my boyfriend likes when i wear little outfits if we are going to be someplace together. its different if you are going out places without him. and i know he LOVES it when im hooping or dancing in a little outfit and guys are checking me out, and i go over and kiss him...that is a serious ego boost! if you havent given him any reason to distrust you, then i feel he should back off. you work for that body and are entitles to show it off!

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StudentPermalink Reply by Janet Miller on October 18, 2012 at 9:57am

I can relate to this ENTIRELY. I have loads of fun wearing skimpy outfits when I'm out with him, but I would never dress that way on my own--I'm just not comfortable with it myself, unless it's the way everyone around me is dressing... Maybe you can help him feel proud to be with you when you dress skimpy when you're together. If he can see that you're dressing that way for practical and fun reasons, and not to draw attention from other men, that you understand his fears and you realize you may have to work harder to keep other guys off when you're dressed in your most flattering way, he may learn to trust that things will be OK even if you dress sexy when he's NOT around. Wow, that was a long sentence. Good luck balancing all the priorities!

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Permalink Reply by Sammy J on October 17, 2012 at 7:33pm

Just be you and express yourself EXACTLY the way you want to. It's going to build up and come out eventually, so don't fight it. The sooner you do the happier you'll be for the rest of your life. Your man should love everything about you, but more importantly you should love everything about you. Show it. Own it. Love it.

Best,

Sam

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Permalink Reply by Tarra Holmes on October 17, 2012 at 9:16pm

Thank you everyone who responded! :) I chose to "man up" and tell my boyfriend how it made me feel and that I'm going to wear what makes me happy when I hoop :) And believe it or not! He apologized, After all he is a Taurus ;) We are going to a rave tomorrow and I showed him what I'm wearing and he loved it :) belly shirt, short shorts, fluffies and all. :) Thank you everyone for showing me just to speak up :) 

Love and Spin <3

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StudentPermalink Reply by Rika on October 18, 2012 at 6:37am

yay!  So glad it worked out with you guys!

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