Okay....so my stalker might be harmless, but frustrating just the same!
I have a young lady in my hoop class who is special needs and lives in assisted living. She came out to an event that I hoop at in my community (a concert) and I met a friend of hers that she goes to school with, a young man named Keith. It has always been in my nature to be exceptionally kind to those who have special needs! Well, after this event, I had received an email from Keith asking me if I would be his girlfriend and on my business card (which he took off my table), it said I was CPR certified and he wanted me to teach him mouth to mouth. Okay....so I was kind of taken aback, but wrote him a nice email back saying I was married with a family of my own and I was sure he would make someone a great boyfriend one day. Yada yada yada. He messaged me again, asking me about CPR. I did not reply to him again. We had another community event that he came out to. I was nice and said hello and he asked me why I never responded. I was still polite and said that I never had the opportunity to respond. He put his lawn chair right at the spot where myself and my friends were hooping and watched me all night. The next day, I received an email from him with his phone number to call him.
I'm a little frustrated because I don't want to be a bitch and I have tried to be kind. It's starting to freak me out, though!!! Thoughts???
I've had a similar situation with a persistent person who probably ranks rather high on the Asberger's scale. I am always kind to him, but subtlety doesn't work even though he is super smart, has travelled the world and speaks at least two languages. Frankness is called for.
Tell Keith that you are disturbed by his behaviour and that you are not available as a girlfriend and not interested in him in that way.
Be sure to specify the behaviour that bothered you and make sure to express your feelings clearly. There's a good pattern for this: "When you did X, I felt Y and it caused Z problem for me." That is usually enough to let the listener/reader figure out for himself what the solution is. Perhaps something like this:
"When you sent me your first message, I responded that I was married; I felt I'd made it clear that I am not available to you as a love interest of any sort. But when you continued to mail me, and especially when you spent the hoop jam sitting and watching me, I felt panic and I wondered if you were going to stalk me. Those fears have taken my time and attention away from my hoop community, job and family.
You are welcome to participate as a hooper at hoop jams but observers, particularly when they focus their attention on one hooper, are not welcome at our events."
Good advice! Thank you!!!
Oh my gosh!!!! That is so creepy!!! What do we do in situations like this???
Alena, Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!!! I'm definitely glad I'm not dealing with that!!! Good luck to you!!! <3