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StudentPermalink Reply by Tink in Tokyo on August 8, 2012 at 6:01pm

I've had a similar situation with a persistent person who probably ranks rather high on the Asberger's scale. I am always kind to him, but subtlety doesn't work even though he is super smart, has travelled the world and speaks at least two languages. Frankness is called for.

Tell Keith that you are disturbed by his behaviour and that you are not available as a girlfriend and not interested in him in that way. 

Be sure to specify the behaviour that bothered you and make sure to express your feelings clearly. There's a good pattern for this: "When you did X, I felt Y and it caused Z problem for me." That is usually enough to let the listener/reader figure out for himself what the solution is. Perhaps something like this:

"When you sent me your first message, I responded that I was married; I felt I'd made it clear that I am not available to you as a love interest of any sort. But when you continued to mail me, and especially when you spent the hoop jam sitting and watching me, I felt panic and I wondered if you were going to stalk me. Those fears have taken my time and attention away from my hoop community, job and family.

You are welcome to participate as a hooper at hoop jams but observers, particularly when they focus their attention on one hooper, are not welcome at our events."

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StudentPermalink Reply by Psyche*of Hooper's Art and Soul* on August 10, 2012 at 10:30am

Good advice! Thank you!!!

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StudentPermalink Reply by Psyche*of Hooper's Art and Soul* on August 10, 2012 at 10:32am

Oh my gosh!!!! That is so creepy!!! What do we do in situations like this???

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StudentPermalink Reply by Psyche*of Hooper's Art and Soul* on August 10, 2012 at 10:33am

Alena, Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!!! I'm definitely glad I'm not dealing with that!!! Good luck to you!!! <3

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