In the past couple months I have had a 2 friends say to me something along the lines of we don't see much each other since you've been hooping followed by implying that I spend all my time with my hooping friends. Its true we have seen less of each other but it is not due to me being with "hooping friends" instead. Frankly I don't really have many hooping friends and the ones I have a) started hooping with me to begin with or b) I rarely see at all.
One thing I am noticing however is a lot of negativity from people. It is suddenly standing out to me and I don't want to be part of it! I think that may be why I am seen as moving away from them. I also hesitate to say this but it seems that because many of them don't hoop that they feel a little threatened by my hooping, they could deal with my yoga but hooping seems to be too over the top perhaps? I feel like I can't mention it.
Or maybe I'm wrong altogether. Maybe I am alienating people. I simply don't know! Has anyone else out there experienced anything like this? I guess it would be important to mention that I live in a small town in Central NH. Not a heck of a lot of diversity up in here! I moved to NH from NYC about 10 years ago when i was in HS and have never stopped noticing the differences.
I think change is part of life....but ehhhh
I don't think there's anything wrong with gravitating toward people who share your hobbies/obsessions, but it does suck that your friends might be feeling left out. Maybe you can consider spending some one-on-one time with them where you don't mention hooping more than in passing. Or let them choose an activity that interests them, even if you aren't totally into it? If you do those things and they're still negative about your hooping, I say it's alright to distance yourself from them. People can get really down on those who stand out, but it's usually because of their own insecurities and issues. You'll find more supportive people in the long run.
Thank you! I think your right about the stuff underneath why they feel weird about it. I try to spend time with them not hooping or talking about hooping but I will definitely put in a conscious effort and see what happens.
It seems like a silly thing to say...people are mad at me for hula hooping =)
Its not wrong at all to be gravitating to those who share your interest, for it adds more enjoyment to those interests. As for those friends who dont accept that interest, that is their decision not to and you shouldnt feel any sort of guilt for it. They way I look at things, are those who are truly your friends, would support you, and your new hobby, without the guilt, or anger. ( unless of course it is something that would cause you harm, and hooping, while it might cause a few bruises, will not " harm you ) The same is in return though. You need to support them and their hobbies, even if it is different then yours.
Much happens in life, that you learn to keep those you value and who value close, and those who dont, can fade off as a memory. I know thats harsh, but thats the way it is. Life Changes, You change, they change. Take the good from the friendship, and move on if you need to.
I am 38, so have had a fair amount of friends come and go in my life but those I have kept close to me are the ones that care about me, show an interest in what I do, and I vice versa. I have about 5-6 close friends, and I am perfectly happy with that, though I have many others I hang out with.
As for Friends not liking things,
My co workers are a prime example of your friends in that, they do nothing I do, and one has clearly stated, she doesnt want to here about all the fantasy stuff I do, like hooping, gaming, writing, and the medieval club I am in. Well, thats my life, thats who I am, so I dont tend to talk about my past times at work. its easier to remain silent. Occasionally they harass me that I never tell them anything, to which I always reply " You dont want to hear about it, cause its something I like to do, so do you really want to hear about my games, or the medieval club, or what new hoop trick I have learned. " They tend to grow silent, but dont ask again for another month. We talk about other things while at work, like stuff on the news, animals, and a variety of other " normal " things ( grins )
All I can say, is look inside your heart, see what it says, and pick the path that best suites you. Friends come and go, and will be there, as long as you are true to yourself.
My mom always said you are lucky if you have 1-2 real true blue friends. I don't want to make people feel left out but at the same time I hate feeling like I have to avoid talking about certain things. People are very complicated...we all are!
I can totally relate to you on this! I bring my hoops everywhere with me (they're like my babies) Some of my friends dont mind, they think its awesome to see my progress & to be a part of my journey- even if they arent actually hooping with me.. While others, roll their eyes & make rude comments. Which, totalllly makes it seem like they are threatened by my hooping. I actually think some are in some cases, since a few of my friends picked up hooping not to long before/after me but just dont seem to have the same passion for it like i do! I feel so self conscience hooping around them! Even just bringing it up in conversations makes me feel like they are judging me!
I've personally just stopped caring about what other's have to say or think about it.. Hooping is my hobby. Sounds weird to say- cause ive never had an actual hobby before! But its something im passionate about and something i love doing!! Maybe its just a part of your life that they dont understand and maybe they never will understand it! BUT its a part of you and who you are- so rock it out girl!
I think it would take a lot of energy trying to meet your friends needs regarding your hooping. My friends supports my hooping, in the same manner, that I support there interest. However, there are times that we are not on the same page on something of interest and we simply accept that fact and move on. You should not have to feel this way with your friends. You should not have to justify your passion for hooping or go out of your way to meet the emotional needs of your friends in this area. Something you said in your message leads me to believe that there is another issue here. I don't think the issue is just your hooping. I think you were already outgrowing your friends and moving forward. Your needs and desires are as important as your friends. Be true to yourself. Be who you are and don't down play your interest, skills, talents etc. for anyone. Life gifts are too precious. Find yourself some hooping friends and have some fun.
I am your hoop friend and unfortunately we do not see a whole lot of each other but I feel like it's totally understandable we both are mom's and we both work so it happens :)...we should get together soon tho and talk about that event :)
You are my hoop friend! I was just feeling a little down cause I had a friend present to me that she thought we weren't hanging out anymore because of my hooping. She said it was great that I was doing something but now I am spending all my time with my new hooping friends. Which I found nuts because it's not true! I love hanging out and hooping with you, I wish we lived closer together! I hate seeing other people feel sad because I am doing something so benign.
I had a very close friend who was put off and upset when she saw me diving head first into a passion she didn't understand. She still sometimes makes comments about how much time and energy and money i've put into hooping, but she supports me and is excited for me when I show I'm making progress. I just had to learn that sometimes its best not to share. Thats why I started my hoop blog, to have somewhere to put all the things I wanted to say about hooping, that my friends were getting tired of hearing. That helped a lot. It wasn't so much that they didn't care, I think they just got tired of my constantly talking about something they couldn't really relate to. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who got some backlash from their friends about all the hoopla. On the other hand, I've had a hard time meeting 'hoop friends'(I know other hoopers in town but we only ever seem to meet up by chance) but I had some friends that started spinning poi about the same time I started hooping, and we've been able to connect on that level and its added a whole new dimension to an already existing friendship and thats so exciting!
I know how you feel. After I got my fire hoop I wanted to bring it everywhere but sometimes I would just end up feeling like I was being a show off. I confronted her after I posted this, she seems to have made more of an effort. She 'liked" a few of my hooping pictures on fb and shared my website on her wall. As silly as that sounds her effort really means a lot to me.
I have been going through the same thing as of late, and all I can say is do what makes you happy. I have grown apart from some friends who, until a couple of years ago, I considered nearly family. Then I found my passion... I found what makes me happy, what makes me feel complete: all things flow. My friends started getting glazed looks whenever I mentioned poi or hoop or how happy it made me.. and it really hurt. I stopped hanging out with them as much and threw myself into school and poi, and picked up a hoop somewhere in the mix. I ran into some people that appreciate and share my love of flow and haven't allowed myself to feel bad about not spending so as much time with my other friends. Every time I do, I find myself sitting on a couch with people complaining about work, drinking beer, and being generally stagnant and bored. I CAN'T DO IT! I get dirty looks if I bring a hoop or poi, or people tell me to get out of the way or just walk right into me. I still love them, and it's great if we have an event or a holiday, any activity really... any reason to get together and catch up, we always have a great time. The people that matter will understand and stick around, don't worry about alienating people by following what makes you happy, if they are alienated by that, then they aren't worth your time!