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Permalink Reply by Marisa Moon on September 27, 2011 at 6:58am

this is one of the hardest things for me to do, because stuff like that really bugs me and wears on me. the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation. you said it's online, is it facebook? just delete the person. then they won't be able to make comments, and you won't have to read them. that is really the only method that works for me.

 

if you can't delete them, the next best thing (IMO) would be to confront the person. in person if possible. "you seem bothered by something lately, is it something i did?" explain to them without getting mad that you feel their comments are directed toward you. even if they say no, it might get them to stop.

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Permalink Reply by Scunshine on September 27, 2011 at 7:48am

I wish I could be more specific but yea, it's mostly over facebook. I've unsubscribed from her posts, I think that's all I can do. After I posted this I actually got to talk to her on the phone, which confirmed that I mostly just need to ignore it, since it's all passive-aggressive and I have no reason to fear a direct conflict. Having received a lot of support from some local spinners who also know her makes this easier, and thank you for the advice as well!

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StudentPermalink Reply by laFemmeCeceau! on August 9, 2012 at 7:56am

I have a hard time tuning other people's negativity out too, it's frustrating. My suggestion is to think of a neutral, compassionate mantra that honors them (regardless of their inner state) and myself. I heard this someplace and it always stuck with me:

"what any other person thinks of me is none of my business  (or 'not my concern' or 'their stuff' or 'their business only,' depending on phrasing that you prefer.)"

and I agree with disengaging as much as possible. 

I'm pretty sure a person who is provoked to undercut another is a vulnerable person, so I try to remember that.  They can make an ugly noise but it's compensatory (right word?).  Nice that you can see it and don't feel compelled to respond in kind. 

Good luck!

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StudentPermalink Reply by laFemmeCeceau! on August 9, 2012 at 9:36am

meant to say 'yourself' instead of myself in that first part--ha!

and adding to say that I might carry out some benign phone-book shredding after attaining zen-like patience!  :) just to balance things out, you know. 

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ModPermalink Reply by Martika* of MartikasMysticDesign on August 9, 2012 at 11:59am

Some people are very insecure about themselves and use harassment, passive aggression, or sometimes internet stalking to help them feel better about themselves.  Don't let the negativity get you down, just remember that person has some internal issues they need to work out, they are only using you as an outlet for that inner frustration. Keep in mind the more happy and pleasent you are can make that person even more upset about their current state. Not saying you should not be happy but that they maybe even more aggressive toward you for that reason.

If you feel you really must address her do so in a positive way. You really have no idea why she is undercutting you. It could be a financial reasons (rent,medical bills, car loan etc.)or a insecurity reason. maybe talking to her about how good her hooping/talents are before going to the underlining problem. I find bringing something positive to the table first helps the negative go down better...She may even be intimated by your talent, so how she is reacting to your presence may seem passive aggressive to you because she does not feel comfortable around you.  

Love and light, don't let that straw of negativity break your back.

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Permalink Reply by Jade Lilian White on August 9, 2012 at 5:59pm

I think comments good or bad are still worthy of consideration.

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