Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sarah Bellum on December 14, 2010 at 5:02pm

Hey beautiful :)

 

I'm not going to presume to tell you what will definitely work, but I can tell you about my experience. I was with someone for about 2 years and he also introduced me into the world of substances. We both got to a point where life was overwhelming for an assortment of reasons, we both were dealing with living a disenchanted lifestyle and quickly began to overuse and abuse our minds. It took several months but finally we decided to clean up a bit. The damage to the relationship had already been done and it took another 5 months to finally break up. We needed to make ourselves healthy and happy again before we could even think about being together. I couldn't fix him, he couldn't fix me. We could only help ourselves. It was really to part, neither of us were excited about it, even though we were at a point where we practically hated each other even though we still professed love. It took another year apart before we have been able to come back and be together again. We're friends with benefits pretty much, but we're healthy and happy individuals and have a deep respect for each other. I don't think this would have been possible if we hadn't taken the time apart to get to a good place in life again. It was super hard and not at all pleasant, but worth it.

 

remember that sometimes when things don't work the way you think they will, it doesn't mean that it is worse. we each have a path and no one can complete you. you complete yourself.

 

love and light

sarah

Permalink Reply by Allyssa on December 14, 2010 at 7:55pm

Thank you so much for sharing and for the advice. We took some time a part and it helped, but I think we are just on different levels of okay-ness with ourselves. I complete myself, taking that to heart. Thankyouu<3

StudentPermalink Reply by Snowflake on December 14, 2010 at 9:16pm

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this, I know it can be really tough. Anyway, I too have had a similar experience, I'm not going to tell you what to do, I will simply tell you what I did and hope that helps some. :)

I dated a guy for 3 years who was a wonderful person at heart. Unfortunately he is and Iraq veteran and came back with all sorts of problems. Both of us prior to this situation had dabbled with substances, so he didn't introduce me to it, anyway as it turned out he was in a sense self medicating. He was drinking excessively, mixing substances, couldn't hold a job etc...

As much as I tried and tried to "fix him" or "help him out" it only seemed to get worse. The worst moment of all I'd have to say is that because I tried so hard to help him I forgot myself and became very depressed. I loved him very deeply and I feel he loved me very deeply as well (at least that's what he always said but you never know) After a few very complicated and emotional months I decided that if he did not recognize there was a problem nothing that I could ever do would make any difference. I wound up breaking up with him to re-find myself with hopes that he might be able to find himself as well. We no longer speak and every day I hope that he has been able to heal his wounds in a constructive way.

For me the most important lesson in all of this was me, and how crazy I let myself become worrying about how to fix and help him and all the while neglecting myself. I'm not saying don't love the person or be there for them... just make sure you don't forget about yourself and your own happiness. I hope this helps good luck with everything.

Permalink Reply by Allyssa on December 15, 2010 at 11:36am

Ah I can totally relate to this. My ex abused opiates during our relationship and I was there for the downfall as well as the withdrawal and the recovery. I think I was doing the same thing though, thinking I could/can "fix him". Thank you so much for posting, I am gonna go back to taking some more "me" time and let him deal with himself. Much love<3

StudentPermalink Reply by Snowflake on December 16, 2010 at 4:29pm

I'm glad to hear that me time is so important! :)

Permalink Reply by Brutal Jim on December 20, 2010 at 11:47pm

People are douche-bags.  If things are starting to suck say f_ck it & move on I say.  I was in a pretty shitty relationship recently myself & I'll never stick around for that bullshit EVER again.  I'll never let anyone treat me badly like that again.  If you're an awesome person the person you're with needs to be awesome too & treat you like you are awesome.  Don't stick around for the bullshit hoping things will get better.  It's not worth it.  I'll never make that mistake again.

StudentPermalink Reply by Snowflake on December 21, 2010 at 7:45am

Hells yes! Right on Jim!

Permalink Reply by Allyssa on December 21, 2010 at 4:44pm

Loud and clear, thanks Jim lol

Permalink Reply by Moonshadow on September 16, 2012 at 5:38pm

I have a couple of friends that definitely abuse drugs. One of them used to be into heroin, and it's great that he's been clean from that, but he's found other, less "hard" drugs that are having just as much of an impact in his life.  They constantly smoke, both real weed and synthetics.  They both work hard at their jobs, but they spend almost all of their money on different psychedelics.  They barely eat, and they almost never communicate with the rest of their friends, unless they want to trip with them.  It's sad to watch, but it is their choice.  You should definitely talk to your friend if you want, but it is extremely likely that he will feel offended.  In which case, I believe you should distance yourself from him, because letting him hurt you is going to do more harm for him than good.  Of course, you will be there for him if he ever asks for your help though.