This is my first ever journal entry ever. I never kept one as a child or teen and have thought about doing one for a long time... I think about doing a lot of things. This is my main problem. I have so many ideas floating around in my head but I never follow through. I have decided that it is time for a change, a big change.
I guess if someone is going to read this I should tell you a little about me.
Little I am not. I am a big girl and as comfortable with my self I am and confident I am still insecure, self conscience and put my self down before I can give someone else the chance to.
I am a server at a pizza joint.
I am married.
I have 2 dogs.
I am 28.
I have no children.
I study photography at NKU
I can not hula hoop. (yet)

I decided to start this journal because this year has been hard for me. My best friend took her life on April 26th 2012. She was 27 and one of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the honor of knowing in my whole life. I had just seen her a few days before it happened. I had no idea it was going to be the last time I saw her. I would have said and done so many things differently...would it have made a difference? I almost know that it wouldn't have. I had no idea my best friend was so sad. My heart and soul ache for her every day. I have isolated myself from my friends I am depressed. I don't believe in medicating my self for depression. I am a strong woman deep down and I know I can get through this.

I have seen girls hooping for years and have been so envious of their amazing energy and beautiful bodies. I wasn't until recently that I saw some bigger girls hooping and they looked just as good if not better than some of the thinner girls I enjoy watching so much. I have been telling my husband for three years maybe more that i want to learn how, that i want to be a hooper.

I was laying around the other afternoon feeling sorry for myself and missing Brandi so badly when I felt this warm sensation come over me and I wasn't sad anymore for that instant I was happy and during this feeling of bliss I told myself to snap out of it. To do something, to have fun, to laugh. So I got online and I ordered my first hula hoop.  (I know i might sound crazy and I know it might not have been, but i think that warm feeling was her. I could almost smell her)

For the past few days while I wait for it to arrive I have been looking up videos of hoopers and hoopdance and plus sized hoopers and am just getting a realistic idea of whats going o happen. I am excited for this journey and this stress relief and for something fun and sometihng to bring back my confidence something to follow through with that isn't school work or my marriage. Something just for me that no one can take away.
 
Peaches,
 Mary