I'm stuck in a loop with the hula hoop. When I was a little girl I was abused in every which way. Often I was grounded to my bedroom, with two bathroom visits and a dinner release. In my bedroom held my boom box. Loud music would draw my angry step father towards my room. But I had to dance, so from a young age I would take a few preventable beatings so I could dance in my bedroom. Pretending I'm dancing on stage with Brain Setzer, I had trained myself to ingore reality while I dance. Even though I fought hard for my freedom, I'm still lost in this private little world of mine. I hate people. I do. I'm afraid of the dancers in my classes, yet they are nice to me and encourge me to major in dance. I ingore them and dance. Is this my gift or my curse?
When I hula hoop in public or on stage, I'm always unaware of the people that surround me. There is a switch in my head, and when I dance, I'm not human, I'm like a spirit. I live for this feeling. In fact, I would be dead if i didn't dance. I owe my life to dancing around my bedroom. the hula hoop prevents me from making my great escape to the sky. But when I'm not dancing and I'm back to being human, well that's when i hate the world and life i live in.
Is dance my escape or my everything? The thing here is, I feel like all I have to live for is to dance. It keeps me far from you humans. I'm scare of people. Is this the little girl in me still afraid of beatings and abuse? Do I dance and hide till I die, or can I be human too?