Performance tonight. Had 2 this weekend. Kind of nervous. The earlier one on saturday didn't go as well as I would have liked. I hope to lose myself in my performance tonight. It's so easy for me to let go when I'm alone, in my apartment...just me and the camera. But I've grown to realize that I have a small case of performer's anxiety. When I feel the butterflies rise in my stomach I have to remember to fight it...otherwise it feels like they completely take me over. I find that I also tend to get ahead of myself when I perform and that is the number one reason why I drop the hoop. ...I'm doing one trick and at the same time I'm thinking about my next move... Not good... I lose concentration. My flow is disrupted. I don't think there's anything wrong with improv. Most of the times I prefer it. It makes the dance piece so lucid. It is a direct translation of a present feeling. ...It's just, sometimes my emotions run too wild, in a negative way. I need to release these insecurities. I need to release these thoughts... and just let myself surrender to the music. I am going to think about this today...