I had lost a week of my life. Last thing I remember is I bought some tasty bottled beer after work. Next thing I can remember is I wake up in a hospital wearing a painful body brace and my boyfriend is telling me to calm down. He explained I crashed my car outside my small town in Montana and broke my back, so the body brace needs to stay on. I felt as someone had tried to kill me. I was confused as to how I just got off work and now woke up in a hospital all the way in Seattle, Washington.


Well after my little brother and father came to see me, I began to understand that I did crash my car, I did break my back, how awful I felt. I called one of my best friends in montana to check in on my dogs. Thats when I found out that only one of my dogs was alive. My little shitzu, Sergie, died in the wreck. The truth was no longer confusing, it was all too real. So I listened to my boyfriend, father, and baby brother. I had lost a week of my life because I had bleeding in my brain. I couldn't move my left leg because I broke my back. The body brace was no longer a problem. It was a saving grace.


After my boyfriend had to drive back to Montana to go in for a better job interview, the nurses came in with great news. I was being transfered back to Montana as well. The nurse then said something that pissed me off. I mention how I had a goal of dancing in toe shoes while hula hooping, she then reminded me that I might never be able to dance as well as I once had. The nurse had no idea how hurtful her words were.


It's been two weeks since that stupid nurse said that. Since then I started walking with a walker and crutches. I can stand and brush my hair and put on make up with perfect balance. I no longer have to have a nurse in my room to stand up and walk around in my hospital room. My dead left leg can wiggle four out of five toes. Tomorrow I bet I can wiggle all five toes. I have asked my physical therapists not to give me a day off of work. I push myself because I have a simple goal of hoop dancing wearing ballet toe shoes. A broken back and brain damage is not going to stop me. My doctor at this hospital told me my recovery is very rare indeed, but she believes I will be in toe shoes once again.


I'm in a place full of people who can't take care of themselves. I get to go home on the 16th, which is only four days away. I had back surgery three weeks ago. I regained my memory two weeks ago. I can't help but thank hula hoop dancing for my recovery. My past hoop dances gives me an advantage most people lack. My upper body strength aided in my physical abilities. I was able to hold myself up with ease, which in a short time lead me to stand without holding anything. My core body strength from past hoop dances makes walking with just one crutch possible. I have amazing balance as a cripple. In fact everyday my dead left leg improves. If I didn't hula hoop in the past, I wouldn't be able to go home this week. I would still be under close eye from the nurses of this place. The patients next to me have no such luck. They are mainly older folks who have suffered from strokes. They can't even use the restroom alone. Even the younger folks here have a longer ways to work before they can reach home. I thank god not only that I'm recovering, but that I have hula hooping to push me and hula hooping has made me so strong.


What really sucks about my love of hula hooping is that I can't do it for a few months due to the body brace I have to wear until my back heals. Also a sucky thing, my boyfriend ordered me quick wicks in December for my birthday, but quick wicks canceled my boyfriend's order multiple times so the quick wicks came in the mail after my car crash. But I have a hoop here with me in the hospital room for hand use. I will get better and have my first ever fire burn by the end of the summer. Even the sucky parts of hula hooping is saving my life and spirit right now. Really god, I thank you for such a sport as fun as hula hoop dancing.


My sweet little dog is dead. I'm in a lot of pain every minute of the day. I puke daily due to the pills I have to take. But I am far from sad. This drive to get up and dance is keeping me from being sad. It's the only goal I have. 


So I now can only thank god. Instead of being sad over my dead dog, I am blessed that my bigger cow dog, Maya, jumped out of the window right in time of the crash. She stayed close by the highway but hid behind trees as the emts came. She stayed in the same place until my friend and the town's sheriff came later in the night in search of her. Last week was the first time we saw each other since the wreck. She must of thought I was dead because she looked very confused and sad when I rolled up in my wheel chair. 


Another blessing is my Family. My little brother from Portland came to see me twice in Seattle. My father and boyfriend did as well. All three of them made sure I was never alone in my hospital room even when I was asleep. Before my memory kicked in, every time I woke up from sleeping I didn't know where I was and what was going on. I would wake up scared and try to rip tubes out of me. All three men in my life never left me alone. They all took turns sleeping in a uncomfortable chair next to me. My older brother was there, but at first, before my back surgery, he was my power of attorney. My boyfriend tried to merry me while I was still brain deadish, so my drug loving brother didn't make a mistake with his power trip over me. So now I thank god for the love of my family. My boyfriend didn't merry me, thank goodness, that would have been weird to wake up married, but we will be getting married next year. So god is something I believe in now. I knew before my wreck that my boyfriend was my soul mate, and for him to be here for me just like my father and little brother, I thank god for my good solid chunk of family.


I wasn't so lucky to crash my car. It sucks I can't hula hoop for a few months. I'm in pain all the time, and the drugs they give me only get me sick. But I'm here in the hospital. But I want to hula hoop dance again. I am lucky that I only cracked ten ribs, collapsed my left lung, broke my back, and had multiple bleeding spots in my brain. I very well could have broke my neck and never get the chance to try to walk again. I could very well be brain dead, or worse, dead. But I'm going to be fine. I am hopeful to dance again and it is a huge part of my great recovery. Everyone is impressed with my improvement each day. And I only do it so I can train in ballet toes shoes once more. I want nothing more but to hula hoop dance in toe shoes. Fuck what that once nurse said, she knows nothing about dancing. Regardless of my broken back, I will dance in toe shoes. Thank you god for life, love, music, and dance.



Views: 355

Comment by Rachel on May 12, 2012 at 11:42am


Comment by Danielle Starshine on May 12, 2012 at 12:38pm
Glad to hear you're doing better. You will dance again :) stay determined.
Comment by Niisha Doodle on May 12, 2012 at 2:38pm

You're such an inspiration

Comment by Niky on May 12, 2012 at 4:43pm

I am so sorry for your loss and suffering, but I am very grateful to hear that you are on the up!  We have not met, but I do feel you will dance in those shoes, and I can't wait to see that video :)  Good luck mama - I'll be keeping you in my prayers

Comment by Soldorei on May 13, 2012 at 12:17am
Good thing is you're alive. I'm praying for you. Speedy recovery!!

Comment by Martika* of MartikasMysticDesign on May 13, 2012 at 8:14am

I've viewed many of your videos and I love your originality, creativity, and carefree feel.  I was on your side for the hooping.org hooping idol contest too. When i first read the news from your brother on HC I was very heartbroken. I couldn't believe that something that bad could happen to such a spirited hooper. I feared that you would not wake up or never be able to walk. Hearing that you are alive and recovering is wonderful news. I know staying in a hospital is scary and lonely. But you have a loving family and the hoop community to support you. I wish you the best and fast recovery.

love and light


Comment by Sairz ward on May 13, 2012 at 9:14am

Sounds like a million thanks need to be given to the medical professionals who worked tirelessly to save your life.    Sounds like drinking and driving were a nearly fatal combination of things for you, I hope for your hoops sake you don't do that again, because rather than having to wait to hoop while you heal, people could be enshrining your love for hoop dance on a tomb stone.

I look forward to watching you grow in hoop dance and other forms of dance and expression once you have recovered!

Comment by Born To Hula on May 13, 2012 at 10:21am

Thank you ladies for your blessings. It's funny how positive vibes and thoughts can make any bad part of life bearable. I've been pushing hoop dance on everyone in the hospital. I know you girls do the same with the people in your life. We have such a fun sport that is good for us to practice. Hooping is very creative where we are sorta like musicians. Hooping is all about self discovery. Each of us dance so differently, yet we all grow off each other. The hooping community is a special one. I naturally am a fighter, but this community has been teaching me how to not fight but change for self growth.

Sarah, I at first thought I did crash because of drinking and driving. But it turns out that I lost memory of the entire day of the crash. I had no alcohol in my blood. The police report noted I had a marijuana pipe in the car, but I was out of weed and wasn't under the influence. My brother blames himself. He called me and I didn't answer. He thinks I was looking for my phone that was ringing. I was driving 70 mph, which is the speed limit. It could have been a deer in the road, a biker in the road, or my cellphone. 

Funny thing is I always try to remember to wear my seat belt because of the animals crossing. I didn't know until my sister told me yesterday, but If I was wearing my seat belt when I hit the tree I wouldn't have been tossed out of the car. Being tossed out into the road saved my life, for my car was smashed so bad and flipped, everything inside it was destroyed. My face unscratched, my brain functioning, it's hard not to believe in god and a spirit world. Something protected me.


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