This is intensely personal, but the hooping community is such a loving and accepting group of people that I feel comfortable sharing my story. Especially since this story does intertwine with my hooping journey as well. I am hoping that by being courageous and telling my story that it will help someone, inspire someone, and in another way help me as well. Telling my story and breaking the silence around it has been integral for me and will continue to be.

Everyone’s journey into the hoop is different; mine story is not different than many other stories that I have read. My best friend was gifted a hoop for her birthday. She was quickly addicted and starting making her own hoops. A few months later she gifted me a hoop, it took me a couple of months to actually use it regularly but I quickly fell in love as well. My hoop has helped me build my self esteem, it has given me a passion, it has helped me overcome the end of a 7 year relationship, it helps me deal with stress, it has connected me with new people, and it has strengthened existing friendships… my hoop has given me so many things, but there is one that overshadows everything else. My hoop has given healing from sexual abuse that I suffered at the hands of an older friend when I was a child. This is something that I have struggled with my entire life.

I will not bombard you with details of the sexual abuse that I suffered, but let it suffice to say that it went on over a period of a few years and was the most damaging experience of my life. I never went to therapy for the sexual abuse, but for symptoms that were more obvious (i.e. an eating disorder and depression). I kept silent about my experiences for years because of overwhelming guilt and shame. I pushed the memories away and tucked them back in box in my mind and told myself that I had “dealt” with it and that it no longer affected my life. As I have grown older, I noticed behavior patterns and actions within myself that slowly began to show me that I was not nearly as “healed” as I thought I was.

About a year ago I began to consider going to therapy to try to address the skeletons in my closet, which I finally did in 2010. Shortly after I started individual therapy I also joined group therapy with other sexual abuse survivors. The work has been HARD and at times I questioned if bringing all of these feelings to the surface was even worth it. I was a mess suffering from symptoms of PTSD symptoms and severe panic attacks. I pressed on in the hope that things would get better and that I would start to feel more whole again.

Throughout all if this my hoop has been my savior. When I was crying uncontrollably after having a flashback, nightmare, or dealing with a triggered memory (something as simple as a sound or smell can set me off) I would pick up my hoop and surrender myself to it. For those moments I was free of sadness and pain. I always felt better after “hooping through it”. I cannot even tell you the countless hours my hoop has encircled me with love, given me the courage to face another day, and to believe that I will get better.

I recently have had an epiphany and I am starting to feel the black cloud that has been following me for so long slowly inching away from above me. I am starting to truly smile and feel joy for the first time in a VERY long time. I am starting to know who I am and I like what I am finding. I am in no way completely healed and I still have a lot of work to do, but even seeing a glimmer of the life I have dreamed of is completely overwhelming.

The center that I go to group therapy at has an annual showcase where they show different ways that people cope and heal from sexual abuse. I have recently agreed to participate, share my story, and hoop for all of them. I couldn’t be more elated to share with other survivors and members of the community in the hope that the hoop can help them too. I am even giving a fellow group member a hoop that was receptive to the idea.

I am telling you all this not for sympathy, but in the hopes that it will touch one person and help them. Maybe there are other survivors who are reading this and nodding their heads in agreement and understanding. Maybe there is someone who knows a survivor of sexual abuse and this will inspire them to encourage that person to hoop. Maybe this will give another survivor the courage to seek counseling. Whatever the case may be there was something driving me today and telling me that now was the time to share my experiences with the hooping community.

It is incredibly hard putting this out there for everyone to see and possibly judge, but I am pushing my fears aside and doing what I think is right.

Peace, Love and Happy Hooping,

Vanessa