I just finished watching this television program on PBS that documented a senior citizen's choir group that has been singing together for more then a decade. Their members die off regularly, and this is something they have come accustomed to. Within one week of the taping they lost two of their male choir singers. While performing at a Massachusetts Jail (ha!) they dedicated a heartfelt tune to the brother they lost only one hour before showtime; the inmates teared and gave them a standing ovation.

Somehow, my troubles seem so minimal. We're all going to die, some day. What really matters, in the end? It's not how much money you have. It's not about the finer things that surround you. It isn't how high your title is at work. At least, I hope it's not. It is the feeling of having a fulfilled life. The ability to be at the end of it, look back and believe with confidence that you have squeezed out every ounce of possibility with what you were given.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm an old woman looking back on my life, acting in a way that would make her feel fulfilled. Ever since high school I've felt the need to keep track of how I spend my days by using my daily planner as a journal; this way I could say, "see, I did something with myself." At times I'm proud that I'm thinking ahead this way, but on the other hand I feel like I'm not living for the now, but preparing myself for.. death, essentially.

Life at it's simplest seems a bit of a joke, when in retrospect. If the Earth's existence could be calculated as a football field, the Human's presence would be nothing but a blade of grass. Who are we kidding that we have to succumb to these rules of society? I got good grades in school, went to a UC because my counselor/mother/sister said that's what is supposed to happen next, and then when it comes time to find a career the job market crashed. ("Time" to find a career? What does that even mean?!). I take it as a blessing; what was I going to do with an English degree anyhow?! There are only a few things I appreciate gaining from my college experience (besides the partying, obvi), and it's that UC Davis is where I discovered hooping. After graduating I moved home & I entered this transitive job at a retail store that opened many more possibilities for me then college has proved to yet.

Never feel under accomplished for where you are in life. Never compare yourself to others for feeling like you "should be" at another level or place at this moment. You are where you are meant to be, and that's all humans should consider. I'm just glad I see this bigger picture now. Whew! What if I had wasted away like everyone else - like my parents/sister/peers - and nabbed that job after college, then continued with marriage/home/babies?? I might climb to the end of this pre-designed path and realize, "humph.. the view's not so great from here."