Yesturday, two puppies drowned under the ice of a river. One of those puppies was the brother of my belated dog, Serge. The other puppy was a five month old pit bull, Envy, who was way too sweet.

Maya and I just went over to my brother's house. I had three dog treats in my hand, one for each dog. I gave one to my brother's dog first. Then I gave one to the pitbull puppy. And when I handed Maya her dog treat, for the first time ever, even more so with other dogs around her, she refused to eat the treat. Then I gave up on her and split the treat, giving the pitbull half of it. Gave her one more chance to eat her other half of the treat, and still she didn't want it. For the first time ever, Maya wanted to share her treats with her friends.

My brother then went to the store with his dog to buy his morning Redbull. My dog, Envy, and I went to lay on the ground and we all played and nibbled on each other. The pitbull puppy is so heavy that she was hurting my left ribs when we all played together. Then my brother came home with news that his friend, Jarret, was coming over to play music. So I started jamming on the drums to warm up. My brother then went towards the door to let all the dogs go run outside. Maya naturally happens to be waiting by the door because she hates live music due to her hearing. I told my brother not to let Maya out. He told me I was being stupid and mean to her. Simply I left the drum kit, grabbed maya by her collar and walked her away from the door. I told my brother I don't care if I'm being a bitch and stupid, I don't want her out there without me. The two puppies left the house. Then five minutes later, a neighbor said his dog was whimpering and he heard a puppy crying for help down on the river.

I couldn't find my boots. Stay calm. Okay, they are not in the kitchen. Gotta find my boots now. Stay calm. Okay they are not by the drum kit. Where the fuck are my boots? Stay calm self. I took them off in my brothers room because he complained due to snow. Boots are on. Out the door. Running to the river. no dogs. Uhh.. Neighbors dog is talking very loudly. She's telling us they went in the one hole where there's no other openings for 50 yards. But I see so much clear river up ahead. Yannick you stay here. Maybe the dogs swam with the current. Maybe the are just cold wett and lost on the river some where. Come on self can't you walk faster in the snow with your messed up leg. Hurry up I still don't see them. I don't hear them. My voice is crackling. My brain injury has got the best of me now. Hurry up self. I still don't see them. My brother is rushing towards me. he asks me. sister what do I do. his paw marks are near the hole. I scream hurry up and look at the neighbors house. My brother tells me they're under the ice. i refuse to believe it. They will make it though. They can't just freeze to death under ice. walking on a very dangerous highway with the speed limit of 65 and snow and ice and rich ski drivers. Please puppies. Where are you. I can't scream your name any more doggies. It'll confuse my brother and he misses you guys so bad. Oh no puppies, you guys couldn't live past this part of the river. it's all ice for the next mile. puppies...puppies where are you. You jerks better come home. I'll try to call some one to help. But my brain injury is making everything so impossible. aww....Pitbulls puppys dad comes home while I'm on the phone searching for help. He rushes back to the spot the dogs fell in with a chain saw. He went crazy looking for his cute pitbull puppy. He drove around the property on the snowmobile after I drove and looked down the river once more. Dropped the Puppies dad down by the river after more chainsaw action. He walked two miles up the river. Puppies are you still alive needing us to find you. Puppies are you stuck under the ice alive? Omg the more snow I remove off the ice the more I'm expecting to find them dead. puppies I don't know what to do. the police won't call me back. My boyfriend can't just fix this. Both your dads can't find you. I need to give you puppies up. Puppies I miss you. How messed up that you guys had to be so scared and cold. You poor puppies. Why did this had to happen to you sweet little souls? puppies, you two where so sweet and young and I wish my brother didn't let you two out without going out there. My brother is curled up with my dog wishing she was outside to protect the puppies.

Worse day of my life. I made a mistake. Should have not been lazy and went outside with all three dogs. My back's pain just cost me two amazing souls. I need to ingore the physical pain and be responsble for all the animals I love, not just mine. Sorry to let you down Serge. Hope you and your brother found each other.